its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
