I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
