god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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