No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
