STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
