this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize