My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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