We named our party play list daddy issues
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Randomize