I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
