I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
