I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
