if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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