just come out here and I will go home with you...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
how does that bad decision feel?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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