I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
