Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
