I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
