Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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