She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
