RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
