Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
