About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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