just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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