I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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