It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
