I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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