I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
