Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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