So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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