oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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