actually, I'm a sock model
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
