Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
