Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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