well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
