New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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