is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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