He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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