the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We smell like vodka and hangover
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