you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
