Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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