Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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