Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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