She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
