Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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