Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
