Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
