totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
