respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
