grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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