I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
