doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
