I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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