You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Church boner. Awkwardddd
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
