i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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