I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
