your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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