I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
