i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
