i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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