I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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