i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
