I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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