I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
