I heard we made out
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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