I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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