i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize