I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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