So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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