What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
