It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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