just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
