i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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