We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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