And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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