Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize