She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
