It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
